The Time Cost in Planning a Marital Project: Part Three, Episode Three
In Search of the Queen
Understanding God’s Dimension and Position in Search of Your Spouse
By Femi A. Falade
Nobody has been able to pay the cost of time. We have been deceived by several arrangements which are tagged with payment based on the hours of work. We soon realised that, the same hour which we spent and we are compensated with certain amount is not worthwhile when compared to others. In fact, some spend the same hour and receive double while some receive less.
The exposition here is to know what it takes in “the value of time” to search and get the queen you have ever dreamed of or to keep the king whom you are privileged to have and other spiritual facts.
This episode shall deal with three time costs we must consider in planning a marital project. While the first is little and irrecoverable, the second is short and hopefully repayable, the third is long and if care is not taken, it could be a waste of life.
This reality if not realised, might remain a force that would continue to waste the lifetime of young guys and ladies in their very presence. Have you heard people who breakup after 7 years of courtship? I think I have heard one. Seven years wasted! You can attempt the analysis so that “…we can apply our hearts unto wisdom” as Psalms 90:12 taught us.
THE FIRST TIME COST: THE TIME OF SEARCHING
I love Proverb chapter 18:22. It told us how favoured kings are if they find their queens. Well, let me add also that, whosoever got a king obtained mercy from the Lord, because “…it is not of she that willeth, nor of she that runneth, but of God that sheweth mercy”, (Rom. 9:16 Para-edited). What I am saying is that, both the brother and the sister should thank God for meeting, no one is too big.
In the process of searching, a lot of reasonable time is required. Well, this may sounds as if I am talking to the kings only. No, even the queens too. This time include, the time to pray and get God direction for your life first. This will determine the kind of help meet for you. Both the king and the queen must sacrifice this time. It will give you the witness when the brother come and propose. You can say without mincing words that you are compatible in purpose.
In searching, the cost of time also includes the time you spent reading and attending singles’ seminars. This is an addition to yourself. Well, to those who meet their queen, in their church, school, workplace, residential area etc. and not occasional meetings or gatherings, inside commercial bus, etc. I guess they did not spend much time-cost searching. I remember in our undergraduate days, one of our senior lecturers told us that, if during the course of our study we find a lady/guy that we love, or acquire any skill, or even ministry, those are bye-product of our study.
This time is safe. It is a must, you cannot void it. Those who also spent theirs to attend club house, night parties, though missed their ways, they spent more than enough time wasting their precious lifetime. No lady or guy you found in club can be a home wife or husband, the best they can be is a clubbing wife/husband. Is that the life you want? Think about it!
THE SECOND TIME COST: THE TIME OF PROPOSAL AND AMOS 3:3
Now that you have a personal conviction, you still need some time to wait with patience so that she can also reason along, pray along and do her self-examination before her response. This time for some guys, is always very frustrating. I have heard of a brother who spent about 5years waiting to make the sister agree with him and at the end, the sister would not.
Permit me to say that, as real as it is to say that, some ladies are heartless in wasting brothers’ time during proposals, some brothers too, can be so careless “waiting for the past”.
Recently, we had a report of what is going on among the sisters’ fold after they receive a proposal. It was said that, they would put the brother under a scrutiny period of two-three years. Their claim was simple. They want to check his patience they claimed. She knows he is the one, she love him and want him but, want him to labour for some time so that he can cherish her and not see her as “cheap-to-get”. Anyone who walks under such pretentious atmosphere is surely a blackmailer and God hate such. Don’t commit sin deliberately. I hope you will repent. If you don’t want him, let him go. You are not the only remnant in the world.
This time is necessary for all “searchers” and “waiters”. Don’t give up and don’t wait unnecessarily especially if her excuse for delaying her response has not spiritual and perhaps logical base. May I announce that the cost of this time is determined by your level of patience? Some brother cannot even wait for two weeks, it is not that they don’t love you sisters or they come for a trail, that is just the level of their patience, bear with them. So don’t compare yours with your friend. I can’t suggest a time cost for you, but make sure, your waiting is reasonable. Think about it!
THE THIRD TIME COST: THE TIME OF COURTING
Always the longest and the most demanding, the cost of the time you spend in courting is usually, at first and at the beginning, unbearable. Both of you are happy. You want to talk to each other in the morning, afternoon and night. You want to ask a one million question and know everything about him/her. But, you soon realised that, your time for other things has been divided.
If you are not careful, (many people who have witness this we attest to this) your leisure time of the day that you are using for your study will now be occupied by his/her calls. Your night prayer time is now spent chatting. Your weekends are now fixed up unnoticed and your time to invest in yourself is unknowingly shared.
You can’t help it, you can’t stop it but, the good news is, you can adjust it. You will need to sacrifice a lot of time to build your relationship. It is deliberate, it is done consciously. You only need to make sure that, the time you spend on fun-filled trips and outings must be less than the time you spent building up your future home. This include the times you study and pray together; read marital counsel books; invest on career pursuits; building your character and so on.
If you have signed-in to go together, you must give your time. I am busy is no longer your excuse. When communication is lacked, the space is called division in its embryo. It is my business, it is my ministry, it is my boss, it is my parent, it is my pastor etc., will no longer be an excuse. Spend quality time to know and build each other up and be ready to shape each other to God’s perfect shape for your future.
The cost of this time is a determinant of what you invest into it. It may be short yet qualitative and it may be unnecessarily long but quantitative. The good thing is that, you will reap what you sow in that space of time if you eventually married. Because of the focus of this episode, I will not elaborate on what you do during this time.
May God save our generation from time-wasting relationships and machineries and prepare and preserve us as the hope to rescue the future homes of this world, Amen.
May God bless you for reading this.
Your Brother in this business,
Femi A. Falade
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